My self-love story
Just a summary of how it all happened, how I started myself love journey, to actually embodying self love
I started dating when I was 16 and since I had my first boyfriend to my last ex-boyfriend and all the men I had something in-between with. They all didn’t treat me right and most of them broke up with me even after giving them all the love I had to give and all my effort to make the relationship work.
Out of all the break-ups or relationships, three of them were very significant in my life cuz they pushed me to love myself. Which is what I’d be writing about today
The first break-up that guided me to self-love
So I and my ex had an argument and all of a sudden, he changed towards me, I could already feel the break up coming. Then he finally broke up with me. He was the first man that really made me feel special, So after the break up I felt I lost, like I felt so terrible, I was depressed, kept wondering why no man can stay with me even after all the love I gave them, I hated myself for existing, didn’t like loving anymore, had suicidal thoughts. So one night I was sad, laying on my bed, still feeling frustrated and tired of life and a thought or voice came to me and was like “why don’t u just give myself the love I never received from them” I literally didn’t know where that voice came from but I feel it was my higher self speaking to me and I repeated the words out loud “give myself the love I never received from them” and immediately I stood up motivated, excited then started doing things that I loved, doing things that light me up and made me happy. It felt like my heart was connecting to a deeper part of me. That was when my self love journey started.
The second break-up that guided me to love myself more
So I dated this guy just because I wanted to feel loved, I was still feeling unloved subconsciously. He obviously made me feel special, I wanted to feel like a princess obviously, since she said he’ll treat me like one..Lol..so I accepted to be with him even when my heart wasn’t ready to love at that time cuz I needed to heal from past break ups, I forced myself to love him just to please him and feel loved too, till the day I broke up with me. Then I intuitively knew that I only dated him to feel loved and validated and I knew it was time to actually start practicing self-love. Then I googled about self love for beginners cuz I literally had no idea how to actually practice self love or what self love really is. Then I was finally drawn to a podcast “Project love podcast” and I listened to an episode about self love for beginners where I learnt how to practice self love. I started writing love letters to myself, started checking up on myself and feeling, learning to let go of perfection, learning to practice self compassion, practicing being in my body, healing my inner child and communicating with my emotions.
The third break-up that guided me to love myself deeply
This wasn’t a real relationship, it was a situationship. I would call the guy I was with my karmic partner, I would call our relationship a catalyst relationship. This relationship helped me see my shadows, fears, insecurities, my unhealed relationship wounds and truama, This relationship pushed me out of my comfort zone to heal from my past relationships and love myself.
Because I kept postponing doing the healing work to heal from my past relationships. So I left this guy cuz I felt so disrespected, so angry that he treated the way he did. I realised I settled for his shit cuz I was running away from myself (my truth, my wounds, truama) and was still subconsciously looking for love outside of me because I was running away from facing my shadows cuz it felt very uncomfortable.
I was able to notice the unhealthy patterns in my relationships and I didn’t want to repeat them again. I found out was an over-giver, codependent and a chronic people pleaser, I was really codependent in all areas of my life which I learnt to heal from Candace Van Dell on YouTube. Watching her YouTube video made me realise that all I needed to heal is to love every part of myself, Learnt that healing is all about loving and accepting myself unconditionally. Loving myself was what healed me, self compassion healed me, self acceptance healed me and they’re all still healing me.
Self love changed my life and since then, I live for self love, I love in self love, self love became spiritual sto me, self love became my spirituality.
Since then life and my soul began to guide me to more ways I can give myself love and love myself more and more unconditionally.
